Procrastination Nation

I am a terrible procrastinator; possibly the worst.  I am writing this blog right now in order to procrastinate doing anything actually productive.  Law of least effort and all that (don't interpret it strictly or it makes absolutely no sense in this situation, aside from the fact that I'm exerting minimal effort).  I think that I've made a New Year's Resolution that goes something like this every year for the past ten years, "I will no longer put off things that I can do right now."  I've probably thought of more clever ways to say it, though.

Every other weekend, when Meike is with her dad, Jonathan and I swear to each other that we are going to get some deep cleaning done.  Come Saturday morning (Friday night doesn't really count, does it?), this is what happens:

1. 7:00 - I give Jonathan the baby after nursing him and tell him to wake me back up in an hour. And THEN I'm going to issue a serious smack down on the dust bunnies (ie cat-hair bunnies) under the couch that blow out when I turn on the fan to dry the just-mopped (around the couch) floor.
2. 8:00 - Jonathan brings Luke back to me.  Luke nurses and falls back asleep.  As do I.  So does Jonathan (minus the nursing).
3. 11:00 - Everyone wakes up.  We will definitely start cleaning now.  After we have coffee.  And breakfast.
4. 11:20 - Since the kitchen is too messy to make breakfast, we go the the Pancake House (I will absolutely accept an endorsement from you Pancake House, as long as it's in the form of free pancakes).  We'll clean the kitchen when we get home.
5. 13:00 - Luke is ready to take a nap again.  I nurse him in bed and fall asleep with him.  I can't set the alarm because that would wake Luke up.  I'm only thinking of what's best for him, of course.  I tell Jonathan to wake me up in case I fall asleep.
6. 15:00 - Luke and I wake up to find Jonathan asleep on the couch.  I'm sure he did some laundry or something while we were sleeping.  Uh, nope.
7. 15:30 - I am going to clean the bathroom.  Oh, wait, I need to dump some Draino in there.  Hmm... I better do that before I wash the tub, right?
8. 16:00 - Let's go to Sam's Club to get Draino.
9. 17:00 - Arrive at Sam's Club.  I know that was a whole hour lapse, but remember it takes a long time to get the baby ready and out of the house.  He'll probably puke or poop on his clothes in order to slow us down.  Then I'll have to wait on Jonathan.  
10. 18:30 - My grocery list of "Draino" turns into $200 worth of stuff that I have no idea how I lived without prior to discovering them at Sam's Club. This may or may not include Fizzy Low-Calorie Energy Drink Supplements at $20 for 10 pouches.  Trust me, it's amazing.  Or at least better than Mountain Dew.  Actually, it's disgusting and it's in my pile of "Shit to Return to Sam's Club."  Those demo people are tricky.
11. 19:00 - It's dinner time.  Let's clean the kitchen so we can cook.  On second thought, let's just cook a frozen pizza to minimize additional mess.  What goes best with frozen pizza?  Why a movie, of course.  We'll clean up a bit after the movie.  We've had a long day, after all.  Full of sleeping and shopping.  Rough.
12. 21:30 - Time to get Luke ready for bed.  Jonathan will do some sort of cleaning while I give Luke a bath and nurse him to sleep.  
13. 22:30 - Luke is finally asleep and Jonathan was doing God-knows-what on the the computer the whole time.  He runs into the garage to pretend he was doing laundry when he hears me coming down the stairs.  Laundry takes a lot of time, you know.
14. 23:00 - Let's call it a night.  We'll catch up on our sleep and REALLY be ready to clean in the morning.

I think you get the idea.  My house is a mess.  Luke is currently wearing a short-sleeved onesie in his crib because there are no other clean clothes.  Except socks; I suppose I could pile those on top of him to keep him warm.    

Indecent Exposure

I've read about this happening, mostly in funny stories about parenthood or cornball movies.  But it happened to me.  Well, to us.  That's right, IT happened.  I know you're all dying to know what the hell I'm talking about, so I will share this embarrassing story because I do not care about my personal dignity as much as I care about making you laugh.

Meike walked in on us the other night.  Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Total mood killer.  Luckily, the room was dark and we were still partially clothed.  All she could have possibly seen was Jonathan hunched over on the bed without a shirt on, so it wasn't exactly X-rated.  Thank God.  I don't even remember why she had to come in the room.  Maybe she had to pee and needed the bathroom light on or something.  Yeah, that was it; we bought one of those light switch extension things for kids the next day.

So, as I'm getting Meike back to bed, she says to me, "What was Jon-Jon doing to you?"  It was such a classic cliche parenting moment.  I immediately burst out laughing, which was the exact opposite of what I should have done.  By laughing, I seared the moment into Meike's pretty little brain as something amusing.  I laughed so hard I had to pee.  I couldn't even answer her, because I couldn't catch my breath.  Thankfully, she didn't ask again.  I think she has forgotten about it.

That one innocent query did manage to ruin the rest of the night, in terms of further... fun.  Each time Jonathan tried to re-initiate, I would burst out laughing and say, "What was Jon-Jon doing to you?"  I couldn't get it out of my head.

We will be investing in locks in the future.