Rules of [Baby] Engagement

There are too many rules; baby rules, that is.  And the funny thing about them is that the babies don't even know they exist.  Who makes these rules?  The baby emperor?  We definitely need a baby ambassador or maybe just an interpreter.  I don't know what we need exactly, but someone needs to get these babies back in line (not that they were ever actually in said line).

Luke has absolutely no idea that any of the following Laws of Baby Care exist:

• Put babies to down in their cribs to sleep when they are still awake.  This way they learn how to put themselves to sleep and don't need you when they wake up at night.

           This is hilarious.  Either the person who made this rule never actually cared for any infants or I have a singularly rebellious baby. If he's in a good mood, Luke will lay and maybe watch his mobile for a while, talk to the blue elephant lying nearby (another rule breaker), or calmly try to stuff both of his hands into his mouth at the same time.  However, a majority of the time, when he is actually tired, it's not such a mellow scene. 

           I will place him down (on his back of course-that's another rule that I'll get to) and he'll coo and smile at me as I talk to him soothingly.  Then I'll take a step back and it will still be okay.  Then I will close the door behind me, and all hell breaks loose.  There's banging and screaming- not upset-baby continual crying, but raging screams that I'm sure would be interpreted as expletives if such an interpreter existed.  Even after I retrieve him from the crib of torture, he will occasionally lift his head from nursing at my breast and let out a short yell, just to let me know how mad he really is, and then go right back to his serene suckling.

• Babies cannot eat solid food until they are at least four months old (or six months old-this rule varies).

          Luke thinks this rule is for pussies.  At least he would if he knew the rule existed.  Since he has been able to track things that are about two feet from his face, Luke has watched us eat.  By "watched us eat," I mean he drooled, stopped all movement, and stared with wide eyes as the fork/spoon went from the plate/bowl to the mouth and back again.  There may have been some "Oo-ooo"-ing and arm-reaching involved.  

          Now, he actually jumps his whole body up and down while flailing his arms and legs anytime he realizes that there is food in his vicinity.  Despite everything I've read, I doubt that feeding him little bits here and there a few weeks early is going to traumatize his body (at least not a measurable amount, I hope). 

• Babies should always sleep on a flat surface with no blankets, toys, or signs of life present.

          If there is any sure-fire way to wake Luke up instantly, it is to put him down flat on his back.  He will wake up upon contact with any non-flesh surface and exact retribution.  I usually have to either lay him down on his side and finagle a rolled up blanket behind him so he doesn't roll back over (a 15-minute process) or nurse him to sleep in my bed and sneak out (also a 15 minute process) afterwards.  

          Either way, I am breaking multiple baby rules.  I have a lingering suspicion that Luke may have found out about this rule recently because he no longer sleeps any more than 15 minutes past being put down or snuck away from.

I keep reminding myself that I should savor these days because I will miss having a demanding little baby to cuddle with at some later point in my life when I will get to sleep without something attached to me again.  Oh wait, I mean...some day in the near future when I will have to suffer the tragedy of not waking with a sweaty baby head on my arm, pee on my bed or the side of my nightgown from a leaky diaper, or spit-up in my armpit.  Oops, I forgot again.

P.S.  I've officially given up on trying to blog on any sort of real schedule.  I'd just be setting myself up for failure.  I'm basically showering like once a week at this point; blogging is just not a priority.  I'll get to it when I can, which is not nearly as much as I'd like to.