There's a Waffle in my Bathtub

In all honesty, there's actually a waffle in Meike's bathtub.  If we're considering who cleans and pays for said bathtub, ownership gets a little fuzzy.  And actually, it's not actually in the bathtub, but sitting up on the side.  I have no idea what brought Meike from eating breakfast at the downstairs table to abandoning the waffle in the upstairs bathroom (there's one downstairs, right next to the kitchen?).  I am assuming it was Meike, but I can just as easily picture Jonathan walking through various bathrooms muttering, "Leggo my Eggo."

Stranger things have happened when Jonathan is in charge of the children.  I'm sure all you moms out there have more interesting stories about Dad-watching-the-kids fiascoes.  I am sick and Luke is sick, so Jonathan is [sort of] in charge.  This basically means that Meike watches movies and wakes me up if there is anything "debatable" that needs settling.  Some previously debated topics have included: in what room diapers should be removed, how soon after waking diapers should be removed, and where diapers should go once they have been removed.  Meike and Jonathan argue about really important issues.  My house would probably implode if one of them did not awaken me from my semi-slumber (as I lay there listening to them arguing) to settle the disagreement.

Now that I've set up the scene for my rant, here it goes...

Why is it that men, in general, (I'm sure there are some competent ones out there who've learned through keen observation) seem to lack a natural ability to treat with children?  You guys just make things so much more complicated then they need to be.  Before arguing with your child, ask yourself the following questions:

Will this harm my child or another beyond reasonable repair?

Could I be imprisoned for what my child is currently doing? 

Will this result in me (or someone else you'd rather not deal with) spending a large amount of money?

If the answer is, "No," to all of those questions, then don't argue about it.  Your child will learn from natural consequences.  Or they will grow up to be the bane of civilization (but at least the hypothetical sick mom who was up all night nursing the hypothetical sick baby will get some uninterrupted sleep).  

Furthermore, I don't think it's fair that men can so easily put aside their fatherly duties.  For instance, if I want to go out for two hours without children, I have to prepare.  I have to find an appropriate caretaker.  I have to teach the caretaker the innumerable specifications of caring for my children.  Such painstaking details include everything from how many seconds to microwave the rice cereal to on which side the baby needs to be rocked to sleep so that he will stay asleep once he is put down (which isn't going to work anyway).  I need to pump milk in advance.  I need to bring a hand-held breast pump with me in case there's too much traffic or an earthquake or I'm having fun and don't want to go home.  I need to wear clothes that allow me to pump unencumbered, do not highlight my newly squishy post-baby belly, and hide those itchy nursing pads.  I need to plan and prepare the meals that will be made and eaten in my absence.  The list goes on...  

A man just needs to walk out the door; shower optional.

I would never even conceive of thinking about going out for eight hours to play "disc golf" (whatever the hell that is) and "have a few beers with the guys."  Especially not with a sick spouse and baby.  And if I did, I would come home spraying milk everywhere like a water sprinkler, which might actually be helpful because my house would probably be on fire because I did not respond to the 600 texts I received while I was out.

I acknowledge that this post sounds particularly biased and bigoted.  The truth hurts.