All-or-Nothing

I've been meaning to write about this for a while, but Mommy-duty is the Great Interrupter.  I've been feeling lately like I do not exist as a person outside of being a mom. But enough about that, for now.

Although not exclusive to the world of parenting, the all-or-nothing mentality is especially applicable to motherhood.  There's a new child-rearing philosophy (or as I like to call them, "baby trend") every month and it's hard to keep up.  Whatever new-age practices that were current during your first child's early years will almost certainly be outdated by the time you have the next, even if that's just a year later.  If you hang out with other new moms, you will probably feel pressure (whether self-imposed or otherwise) to choose a stance among the current regimes.

I remember when Meike was a baby and I read a scintillating article about Attachment Parenting.  I decided to read up on it, out of curiousity.  Much to my surprise, I found that I was already doing most of the things to which Attachment Parents subscribed.  But I couldn't check off all of those eight "Bs" (or however many there are) and therefore could not actually call myself an "Attachment Parent."

Luke had one bottle of formula when he was in the NICU and I felt like I failed him.  When Meike was 8mos old and I went back to work, I couldn't keep up with pumping exclusively.  And it made me feel selfish and lazy that I didn't want to pump every three hours at work.  But that didn't mean that I gave up breastfeeding entirely.  I nursed her when I was home and she had formula when I was gone.  With Luke, we tried using cloth diapers when we were home and disposables while we were out.  I buy organic when I can, but not exclusively.

There are a lot of aspects of mothering that seem to be some standard by which to measure just how committed and awesome you are in that role.  You either "are" or "are not," there are no Venn diagrams.  Are you breastfeeding? Well that baby better have never even had so much as a sniff of formula, or you might as well give up the boob immediately.  Baby having sleeping issues?  Pick a sleep-training theory and stick to it or you are most certainly setting your child up to be a 35-year old insomniac that still sleeps in your bed.  Time-outs?  Passe.  Use traditional baby food?  Tsk, tsk-that kid's going to be injecting that little fatty full of insulin before you know it.

It is emotionally and physically exhausting trying to keep up with all of the parenting standards that we are bombarded with.  It makes you wonder how civilization made it this long.  I mean, how did all those kids survive sleeping on their stomachs?  I think it's important to step back and think about what feels right for you and your baby.  What makes sense for your family.  These labels that we are trying to apply to ourselves are parenting fads that are forever changing.  A little bit of this, a little bit of that-whatever keeps you sane and your baby smiling.

Luke is calling, from my bed.  So I guess we are co-sleepers...some days.