I Need to Fatten Up My Baby

Luke's weight gain has not been following an ideal curve. He's gaining weight, but at a lower and lower rate. He eats like a bed-ridden obese person, so it's been frustrating trying to figure out what's going on. The Not-Doctor (she's a nurse practitioner, but that's just too long to say) suggested supplementing with Pediasure. When I expressed concern over Pediasure consisting almost entirely of water and sugar, she shrugged and said, "I don't know what's in it, but when I give it to kids with ADHD, they pack on the weight." Awesome. I'm sure he'd "pack on the weight" if I spoon fed him high fructose corn syrup all day, too. Plus it would be a hell of a lot cheaper.

So we decided to conduct an experiment. The Not-Doctor weighed Luke on Friday and he weighed 19lbs 11oz. Over the weekend, I gave Luke as much Pediasure as he wanted after and between meals. Have you ever tasted Pediasure? It's like a delicious milkshake. And considering the ingredients are listed as, "Water, sugar" and a shit-ton of vitamins and chemicals, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what it is.

On Monday, I brought Luke back to the Not-Doctor and, to my surprise, relief, and chagrin (I'll explain later) he had gained over 3lbs in three days. He jumped up 15 percentile points.  Yes, it is wonderful that Failure to Thrive is ruled out. Yes, it's good to know that Luke is simply crazy active and needs more calories. That said, it really annoys me that the Not-Doctor had pretty much NO information to back up the Pediasure recommendation and yet it worked.

So now what do I do? The Not-Doctor said to give Luke maybe one Pediasure a week. I'm not sure what that's supposed to accomplish. She had absolutely no suggestions on how to get Luke to gain weight without pumping him full of crap. When I pointed out that I could force the same weight gain by only feeding Luke Doritos and gummy vitamins, the Not-Doctor just shrugged. Oh, yeah, she also asked me if Carnation Good Start was just sugar, too. She asked me. All I could think was, "Am I really paying for this conversation?"

Almost everyone on the maternal side of my family has type 2 Diabetes, so I make a real effort to limit the amount of processed sugar in my kids' diet. I want them to establish good eating habits now in hopes of preventing them from developing Diabetes as adults.  This is one of the main reasons I am reluctant to give Luke Pediasure regularly. Even though I know he will burn off the calories, I don't want to train his body and mind to expect and want sugary treats on a daily basis.

Anyway, I'm on a mission to find healthy unprocessed alternatives to Pediasure. 

Just to make sure you truly understand how much this child eats, here is a sample food diary for him:

6:30am - Nurse & then throw body around bed until Mommy has sufficient panicky adrenaline levels from fear of Luke crushing his skull from backflipping off the bed
7:00am -

I Hate August

August was a spectacularly shitty month. It was so crappy, in fact, that I would wipe the month out of existence if I didn't know so many awesome people who were born in August.

To prove to you what a shit time I had this past month, here is a list of events that occurred therein:

1. My car exploded. Ok, so it didn't literally explode. While driving home from a wonderful Sunday breakfast, the air conditioning suddenly stopped working. About a minute later, water exploded all over the windshield and the power steering disappeared. It took three days to get everything fixed. I am thankful that Jonathan was driving at the time. I'm also thankful for our insanely helpful neighbors who transported us all over the place.
2. My knee dislocated. This happened at the best possible moment; I was walking out the door on a movie date. I think the last movie I went to was the Beauty and the Beast re-release with Meike. Needless to say, we missed the movie. I was on crutches at home for a week with almost no help. Thank you Marliz for helping the first night. Two weeks later, I still can't straighten my leg, but at least the limp is negligible. I need surgery and that's not going to happen until I have insurance.
3. We had no water for two days. The water company accidentally turned the water off without any notice one morning, even though the bill had been paid. When they came to fix it later that day, I wasn't home and apparently the water was on somewhere in the house. So we had to go another day without water. It was super great. No toilets, no drinking water, no baths, no hand washing. I had to go buy water just to brush my teeth. Again, I am thankful for my super helpful neighbors who insisted I bathe my kids at their house.
4. My phone died. Completely. If there is an emergency, I am going to have to run across the street to call 911. And then there's always the super helpful neighbors, if they're home.
5. The air conditioning is on the fritz. I have to completely turn it off when I leave in order for it to work [mostly] properly while I'm home.
6. There are Black Widows ALL OVER our property. 
7. This is kind of a dumb one, but lights are going out in all of the hard to reach and/or really useful places in my house. Top of the stairs. Flood lights out front. Meike's bathroom night light. Flood lights out back. Indoor garage lights. Vaulted ceiling fan's light.
8. There's a little shit down the street with a motorized scooter. When does said little shit prefer to ride said scooter? Every fucking time Luke lays down to sleep. With. Out. Fail. It sounds like a serial killer is running up and down the road wielding a weed eater.

Despite how incredibly expensive this month has been, writing this blog allowed me to see a positive side to it. I really do have super helpful neighbors. The worst stuff happened while Jonathan was home. My friends are willing to help me when I'm willing to ask. I'm humbly thankful for all of these things. 

Plus, I lost 8 pounds...woo, August!