Pregnancy Moment?

So I've been sitting here crying now for about twenty minutes, straight.  I'm not sure if it's a hormone mama thing or if it would have happened anyway.  I came across the following story and found it emotionally devastating.  It's about an 18mo with a really terrible disease/prognosis; she is no longer able to see or even smile:

http://healinganaya.blogspot.com/p/about-anaya.html
The link is to the page that explains about the child and family; the mom posts regular blogs as well.

I found the little things to be the most heartbreaking, like the mom talking about helping her daughter move her hand to touch her lips, after the little girl had been quivering with effort from trying to move her arms on her own.  Just writing that made me start crying again. 

I keep going upstairs, where Meike is napping in my bed, and just staring at her sweet sleeping face.  I had to come downstairs because I got to the point where I was afraid my crying would wake her.  This story makes me feel so grateful to have the beautiful healthy child that I do.  And then it makes me feel guilty for having her; I haven't done anything in my life to deserve such a blessing when there are mothers out there who are just happy to have their child not die today. 

Of course I know that there are tons of stories like these, not about this particular disease, but about sick children.  But there's something about reading this mother's daily struggle with actual live hourly updates is very powerful.  Even more moving is the grace she outwardly displays (I'm sure it's not so calm inside) in being thankful for every day that she has with her baby. 

In celebration of this little girl's 18-month birthday, here is an excerpt from what the mother wrote to her:

We love you sweetie. We're so glad you grace us with your presence. Stay as long as you need to. We will take care of you and help you in every way we can.

This makes me feel like a whiny selfish person for complaining about being tired because I'm 8 months pregnant and chasing Meike around.  It makes me treasure all the moments I have with her and really appreciate just how lucky I am. 

As I was laying down with Meike today to get her to take her nap, I actually had to reprimand her (i.e. threaten no pool time) to get her to stop kissing my tummy "for Baby Luke" (like 30 times) and lay down.  I certainly won't be doing that again; I'll soak up those kisses 'til the cows come home.

Arrowhead Ranch

I decided to leave my monologue from last night after minor adjustments.  I guess the point I was trying to make was... I enjoyed spending time with mothers my own age. 

The picture on the right is the end of her forced "cheese" face. Too funny.

Anyway, we went to Arrowhead Ranch on Friday expecting a large farm or ranch.  While it is a working cattle ranch, it's on a random plot behind a development.  You literally have to turn down a dirt side street in between two cookie-cutter houses to get to the parking lot.  The ranch is not normally open to the public, but they were open for two hours that day for spring break.  Their website boasts a petting zoo, horse rides, and a "roping game" and they charge a $5 flat-fee.

The entire fenced-in play area was maybe 400 square feet.  There were two chickens, two rabbits, three goats, a donkey, two ponies, and two horses.  We were given a small amount of feed (a halfway-full mouthwash-size paper cup) for the goats, who were each tied to a tree by a dog leash.  I actualy kind of liked that they were tied up, because normally free-roaming goats trample Meike when food is involved.  The donkey just slept the whole time in his own little pen.  A horse or carraige (which was nowhere to be found) ride was included in the price and you could purchase additional rides for $2, which was a pretty fair price compared with other venues.  Riding the horse in two short 50 yard circles was Meike's favorite part.  I even splurged on a second ride for her.

The rabbits had horrible canker ear (likely scars from previous infections, since they weren't scratching) and Meike asked why they had "crumbs and seashells" in their ears.  There was a bench surrounded by a portable fence where the kids would sit and a very grumpy 16yo would continuously pick up the rabbits and place them in their laps. 

Meike attached herself to a 6yo girl and sat next to her on the bench for a really long time.  Meike seems to like older girls better than kids her own age.  Meike then followed the girl around repeating, "This is my new friend. Want to be my friend? I'm going to be your friend." about a hundred times.

The "roping game" consisted of a 1ft tall metal pole bent into the shape of a bull with a lasso around it.  Meike took turns with a younger girl sitting on the bull and getting roped by the older girl.  Meike found this immensely amusing and probably sat there for about twenty minutes total. 

Arrowhead Ranch is otherwise only open for super cheap private birthday parties.  They also offer a cool package for $35 that I think I'm going to get Meike for her birthday.  You get 45 minutes of horse petting, brushing, feeding, and riding on a one-on-one basis.  Plus they give the kid a cowboy hat and balloons and everything.  I think Meike would really love the personal time with the horse. 

Which leads me on to birthday planning...only a month to go!

Playgroups

Meike and I went to our first born-again stay-at-home-mom playgroup today.  The group is called something like "20 to 30-something year old moms..."  It was so nice to be around moms my own age.  I tried to join a playgroup when Meike was only a few months old, but never returned after the first meetup.  First of all, the group was comprised of four or five 35yo+ women who lived on the same street together in Westlake.  They were all "retired" (is that the right word?) professionals who had already established themselves in fields like medicine and law.  They nursed their kids until they were 3+ years old (I try not to judge and to be open minded, but I'll expand on this in a minute).  We (meaning me vs them, collectively) were very obviously at different points in our lives in multiple regards and it made it difficult for me to relate to them or feel comfortable.  The fact that they were already an established close-knit group who shared the same parenting perspective (whether peer influenced or not) didn't help things.

Now, I am all about natural, free, unadulterated childhood and innocence, but even I got a little squeemish when the third chick nonchalantly threw her shirt aside to nurse her 3yo son.  He would just run up to her, fumble around with her shirt and bra like a nervous 13yo about to get to second base, and the mom would just help him undress her while continuing on in conversation as if nothing unusual or private or noticable was going on.  As if that wasn't enough, the mom then commented that she had decided to wean her son a few months ago and had consequently "dried up."  So she was continuing to let her 3yo publicly disrobe her at a whim so he could suck on some "dried up" boobs?  The mom didn't even address the possibility of the situation being awkward or unusual.  She just sat there without her shirt on so the boy could alternate between playing with his friends and sucking on her boobs at his pleasure. 

I think of myself as having a fairly lassaiz-faire (or is it laissez?) approach to parenting and in responding to other parenting styles.  I mean, of course I have my own opinions about bed-sharing, free-birthing, nursing, and such, but I keep them to myself.  I'm not so arrogant as to think that I know all the right answers or that I utilize superior parenting techniques.  But the group of women my own age seem to be much less rigid when it comes to parenting idealogies.  We aren't going to keep trying to put a square peg in a round hole because it's "what the books says." 

Even though I'm not a particularly young mother, I did feel pressure in that Westlake group to measure up... To measure up to the complete maternal selflessness for which Attachment Parenting has been criticized.  I don't feel that pressure from my similar-aged peers; we are all trying to figure out our place in this world and create a niche for our little families.  We're letting the pieces fall into place without too much poking or proding or reshaping.  Austin seems to reel in a diverse mix of folks from far and wide.  We're happy with the momentary status quo and are trying to enjoy it, first-hand, as much as possible.  Maybe it's because we haven't spent quite so long investing in and fantasizing about this perfect family.  Rather than trying to make the subject fit/suit the medium, we're just mixing it all together to see what adventure and fun comes out.

**About halfway through writing this blog, I realized that my sleeping med had kicked in.  I tried to push through it, but I'm pretty sure I've ended up with a whingy tantrum about ...something to do with parenting or motherhood.  Forgive me or appreciate the unadulturated... I must now stop and will most likely do some MAJOR editting in the morning.

Under Construction

Obviously, I have not been doing so well with keeping this blog up-to-date.  I have a legitimate (if really stupid) excuse!  I forgot which website I had chosen to host the blog and could only think of Blogger.  I finally did a search of "blogs" today and pulled this up almost immediately.  Trial and error, right...  Check that off my list of future excuses for procrastination.

So...the nursery is coming along.  The full wall paneling that was actually house siding (the last owner was very into do-it-yourself)has been reduced to the bottom half of the wall.  We've tested about a dozen different paint colors.  You can't tell from the pictures due to the poor lighting, but the paneling will be blue and the top part of the wall will be yellow.  Jonathan still has to do the molding/trim for the chair rail and the floor, which will be a rich brown color. 

I'm starting to think that Jonathan is doing it himself just so he can buy a new tool each week.  What's with guys and gadgets that do things for you that you can already do yourself just fine [without said gadget]?  Anyone else know what I'm talking about?  In addition to the plethora of tools that are piling up in our garage, the construction zone is like a children's playground of death.  Let me just say that it's a good thing that Meike doesn't get to wander the house unsupervised... ever.  And that I now know where all of the scissors went...



 Yes, those are razor-sharp lethal kitty claws... next to the scissors, pocket knife, dremel, and a circular saw.

And since we're on the subject of hazardous materials, I'll throw this one in just for fun: