Luke will be my Death

I'm pretty sure that when Luke goes to sleep at night, he dreams about ways to give me a heart attack. Luke is the reason that people turn to baby proofing companies rather than just doing the common sense stuff. Luke is the reason that THESE exist.

I didn't understand all the extensive baby proofing stuff before Luke. I had a pretty laissez-faire attitude about it all. I thought it was for people who didn't bother actually watching their kids. I put the obligatory outlet covers around the apartment (where we were living at the time) when Meike was a baby. Oh, and a bumper on the coffee table- she just ripped it off AND it was hideous AND it left an impenetrable trail of goo).

Enter Luke. Here is just a sampling of his craziest stunts:

The whole family was in the living room. Jonathan and I were snuggling on the couch while the kids played. I kissed Jonathan and looked up to find Luke STANDING ON THE PLAY KITCHEN. In hindsight, I wish I had gotten a picture. At the time, I screamed and grabbed him. He couldn't get back up again. I'm still not sure how he did it. He couldn't even stand yet!

It was 5am. I blocked off the living room and fell half asleep on the couch while Luke ate Cheerios and played on the floor. I looked up and saw Luke standing up and pushing his swing back and forth. I blinked (my eyes were possibly closed for a minute or two) and Luke was sitting in the swing. How the hell did he get in there? The seat is at his head level!

Our coffee table has "hidden storage" drawers at each end. Luke pulled out a drawer, climbed into said drawer, and used that as a stepping stool up to the glass-topped coffee table proper. He did this one time, which was apparently all he really needed to get the logistics down. The very next day, he slapped his palms down on the glass top and just hauled himself up. And then stood up, obviously.

Luke stacked up his two stuffed animals in an attempt to jump over the side of his crib. He may or may not have been suicidal due to breast milk withdrawal.

I'm starting the think that Luke may have baby teleportation superpowers.